Ep 6. Preparation Meets Opportunity: How to Find Your Power ft. Broadway dancer Angelica Beliard

Broadway dancer and artist Angelica Beliard talks through the hustle, magic, and serendipity of artist life.  

Angelica is an Afro-Latina actress, dancer, singer based in New York City. She made her Broadway debut in "On Your Feet" and then performed in "Summer: The Donna Summer Musical". She has also appeared in regional theater productions, including in John Leguizamo's musical comedy "Kiss My Aztec!" and in film and television projects, including on Last week Tonight w/ John Oliver, The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon, and The Late Show w/ Stephen Colbert.

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Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:09):
Welcome to the Millennial PhD, a podcast about creative survival and beyond. My name is Dr. Carmela Muzio Domani, and I'm a sociologist, dancer and creative consultant from New York. In these episodes, you'll find inspiration, ideas, and actionable tips for building new pathways forward in work and life. You'll hear from artists, activists, creative entrepreneurs, PhDs, and professional pivoters. We talk about radical humanity and practical steps to follow your dreams, even in the context of challenging social conditions. Before we jump into today's episode, a quick reminder to follow the millennial PhD on Instagram. And to please take a minute to rate and a review the millennial PhD on Apple Podcasts. Your rating really helps the show reach as many listeners as possible. You can learn more about me and get access to free creative resources on the millennial PhD Instagram page, or@themillennialphd.com. I hope you enjoyed the episode. 

(01:14)
Uh, welcome back to the millennial PhD, where we've been talking art, creativity, and radical humanity in motion. Today we're talking with Angelica Beliard, who is an Afro-Latina actress, dancer, and singer based in New York City. She made her Broadway debut as a dancer and on your feet, and then performed in summer, the Donna Summer musical. She has also appeared in regional theater productions, including in John Gaza's musical Comedy Kiss, My Assec, and in film and television projects, including on last week tonight with John Oliver, The Tonight Show, starring Jimmy Fallon and The Late Show with Steven Colbert. Angelica, thank you so much for being here. 

Speaker 2 (01:57):

Thank you for having me, 

Speaker 1 (01:59):

<laugh>. I'm so happy to have you have you on this show. Uh, we met originally because you knew my fiance through salsa. Um, and then you and I just recently got to do a Latin hustle project together, which was super dope. 

Speaker 2 (02:14):

I know that's the best. 

Speaker 1 (02:16):

It was, it was really nice. Um, and you shared me with me when we were talking about recording this episode that you haven't really done a lot of similar interviews. Um, so I appreciate you coming through and I'm really looking forward to the chance to talk with you about your story. 

Speaker 2 (02:34):

Yay. Thank you for having me. No, I haven't, I haven't done a lot of interviews, um, or any really, I think I got interviewed once, like outside of a theater really fast. Um, yeah, but not in this capacity. It's cool. I'm proud. I'm glad you're doing this. 

Speaker 1 (02:50):

Thank you. Thank you. Um, so I just wrote off some of like the cliff notes from your accolades and your bio. Um, but why don't we start with, can you just tell us a little bit about yourself? 

Speaker 2 (03:02):

Yes. Oh, where do I begin? Um, so I was born in Jersey City. I was raised in Staten Island, Uh, and that's where I did most of my fundamental school years. Um, I moved around a bunch in high school, so I went from Staten Island to Jersey City back and forth between Newark and Jersey City. And then I moved down to South Jersey. Uh, I'm just giving my, my moving sequences, but <laugh>, I'm trying to think. Uh, I, it was in middle school where I first really got in touch with a theater community. Um, so we had a magnet arts program that allowed students to choose between dance, drama and music. So I think I chose drama because I'd never had dance class before. Um, and that's where, you know, I kind of got some beginnings in playing in a theater, not really knowing exactly what was going on. I feel like I remember being confused, <laugh> like, and he's like, Run over here, run over there, get this thing, get that thing. And I'd be like, What's the music? I don't know. What did, what is this called? Um, but yeah, that was definitely base one of the Maia or for whatever you wanna call it. Um, what else? There's so much, Um, but okay, so more about myself. That's my beginnings. Right. Um, 

Speaker 1 (04:49):

Yeah. And I can ask you kind of follow up questions, <laugh>, so 

(04:58)
It's okay. You don't have to, you don't have to hit everything, everything right. Uh, once, But yeah, thank you that it's, it's great to hear kind of your story, um, and your, your like, origin story, <laugh> a little bit. Um, and now, um, you know, when you, when people hear Broadway dancer or singer, um, it can seem very glamorous, um, which of course you are. Um, but I guess my first question would be when you, when you meet someone and they ask you, Oh, what do you do for a living? Which we all like constantly ask each other when we're first meeting people, How do you answer that now, 

Speaker 2 (05:34):

<laugh>? It's, I don't, I never answer with that leading first. Um, I always still say I'm an artist or, uh, I'm trying to get out of the, of the phrase of just dancer, because I now am accepting of the fact that I do so much more than dance. Um, yes, although dance has been the definitely the catalyst for the rest of the rest of all that I do. But, um, yeah, I never answer with that first. People then will ask like, have I done shows and stuff? And then, you know, I'll proceed to say like, Yes, I've done theater, I've been on broad, you know, and it, it, it does come out. It's never what I lead with because not that I'm not proud of it or anything like that, but sometimes I just feel like, uh, I don't know. I just don't feel like it encompasses all of it. And I'm also like not trying to push that. I don't know. Sometimes I feel like it makes people uncomfortable. 

Speaker 1 (06:42):

Oh, that's interesting. I mean, or maybe 

Speaker 2 (06:44):

It's that it makes me uncomfortable. <laugh>, <laugh> 

Speaker 1 (06:47):

Or May, I mean maybe a little bit of both. It definitely can be uncomfortable to box yourself into something, I think, right in, in that moment with someone like, I am just this one thing. Um, but Can you tell me more about what you mean when you say you feel like it makes people uncomfortable? 

Speaker 2 (07:04):

Um, yeah, I think, I think I have to correct myself there. I think I have to say, like, it makes me slightly uncomfortable. Um, and I think, Why am I struggling to speak right now? Like, whoa, I think it makes me uncomfortable because it made me uncomfortable when I got the experience when I was there. You know, it was my first job as a dancer in the city, and it was major like, yeah, 

Speaker 1 (07:43):

Wow. 

Speaker 2 (07:44):

Very high stakes. I wasn't quite sure what I was really getting into. Um, everything was so new and, you know, so urgent. Uh, everything was changing over within a week span. Um, and so, you know, I just laid low. I did my job. I showed up where I needed to show, but I was, you know, going through so many things. And I felt, um, I felt a lot of fear that I would lose my job for some reason. I don't know why that, uh, that little thing ticked off for me that I was gonna lose it. And I didn't want to lose it cuz I knew, I don't know. I just never, I had never been given the opportunity to do something that big, let alone did. I think that it was really, that I was really worthwhile. Like, I was dealing with a lot of self-esteem issues, but they didn't really, when you don't have much, it's okay to dream it seems like. 

(08:51)
And then when you have this thing, it felt, I just couldn't, I couldn't lose it. I felt like I was gonna lose it. So, you know, I was going through this experience and it was so incredible and I was so excited. But I was also dealing with some things inside, uh, that I, I kind of isolated myself just for the sake of, you know, performing cuz I had to perform. I had to keep it together, you know, And it's not, wasn't all that much of a battle, uh, you know, every single moment. But those are the things that stand out to me as how my behavior was, was panning out in such a, a public way. So I felt exposed, I felt really exposed, and I don't know that I was really quite, uh, expecting that or ready for all the things that it brought up. Um, and I think that's probably why, that's the long about reason why I never introduce myself first as that, although it is something that I've done and something that I love. 

Speaker 1 (10:06):

Yeah. That, that's so powerful. And thank you for sharing it, because I think it resonates with a lot of people. Um, I think that, uh, especially when we were talking about, um, when you don't have the thing or when you're striving for it, or when you have little and you're hoping for the big dream, um, or whatever it may be, you know, it doesn't have to be Broadway, obviously, for different people. We're talking about different things at different scales. Um, but then getting that opportunity, um, I think a lot of people feel like, Oh my goodness, like the stakes are now so high. Um, and you mentioned you were also going through a number of other things. Um, so I think there's a lot of power in kind of talking through that and, uh, you know, allowing other people to hear that vulnerability, um, so that they don't feel so isolated in their own, uh, you know, fear. Yeah. 

Speaker 2 (10:59):

Vulnerability. It's scary. Opportunities are are scary. Like, and yeah. Uh, this as much as we want it, and we, you know, like we always get to that point where it's there, it's right on your doorstep and you have to go through that door and it's like, Oh my God, what am I getting myself into? You know? It's exciting, but it, it is scary too. 

Speaker 1 (11:22):

So you booked, you started doing on your feed around 2015, I wanna say. Is that right? 

Speaker 2 (11:29):

Yes, ish. So, 

Speaker 1 (11:30):

Cause I Googled you like <laugh> in preparation. 

Speaker 2 (11:35):

I started performing in early 2016. Um, but they, the show opened in 2015, November, November of 2015. And I, I wasn't even auditioning for theater stuff. Like I was really more in the commercial world, although I wasn't booking any work, you know, I was still relatively new. That was more the route that I was going. Um, and I happened to upon another audition that they were looking for Latinas. So I went in for that. And that's how I got the audition for On Your Feet. Uh, cause it was the same choreographer. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, uh, Sergio through heo. So he invited me to audition for the show on Your Feet, I think it was in December. Um, and oh my gosh, that was such a crazy day. Like, that was the first time I'd ever been on a stage, like a, a Broadway stage. We auditioned on the stage. Wow. We, it was a fast audition. I was my, it was crazy. It was, it was a crazy, it was a crazy crazy day, but it was so cool. Um, you know, it was just one of those New York moments where it hits you, like the train and you just have to keep going. Um, I, so I started auditioning then, but I made my debut in March of 2016. 

Speaker 1 (13:02):

And did you, you sang as well in your audition? 

Speaker 2 (13:05):

I had to. You 

Speaker 1 (13:06):

Have a beautiful voice. 

Speaker 2 (13:07):

I had, Thank you. Um, I <laugh> I had to sing for my audition, and I didn't know that I was gonna have to do that. Um, and it did not go well. Like, the voice that I have now that I've been learning how to use in a different way, uh, is four plus years of like steady lessons as much as possible. Um, but I had to sing on the stage and I didn't even have a book like You, I was with all of these girls who had books of music, right. Like, you know, just seasoned, seasoned auditioners. They know Right. What the task is going to be. And I was like, you know, ready to email somebody like, Oh, nobody told me. So now I'm looking on my phone through Spotify for like the last song I had sung, uh, like in the shower or whatever. 

(14:00)
And so of course I pull out Selena, but that's obv also like the worst thing to pull out because her voice is so pure. Uh, anyway, I, I, I like whispered it. I like didn't even like sing it out loud. And we were on the stage and Sergio was like, Did she sing? And I was, I said, Yep, I did it. It's done. And he is like, Oh, I didn't hear it. You have to do it again. And I had to do it again. And it just like, you know, it was mortifying. It was mortifying. Um, you know, and then you hear the girls after you go and they're belting their faces off in a way that's <laugh> unnatural and un. Like, it's just like, what am I getting myself into? Um, and then I teamed up with somebody soon after that to, to like, teach me how to sing. Like, I was like, I don't know how to do this. Like, I just needed to open up my voice. Um, and I think I had one lesson, one, but it wasn't, um, it wasn't a main priority for the dancers. There was the dancing was so heavy duty, uh, that that job was left, you know, to a singer 

Speaker 1 (15:11):

Right. 

Speaker 2 (15:11):

To pick up that slack. So it gave me an opportunity to learn, you know, I was able to then listen to everyone around me. And then I, I started taking classes with friends that I was on stage with. Uh, and, you know, they kind of guided me through into the singing world, <laugh> or, you know, the introduction of it. 

Speaker 1 (15:35):

Yeah, definitely. Um, that's a, I I it's a great story. Um, uh, before we move on too much, I wanna ask you about like, that time period kind of when you were before you, I guess, after school, but before you mm-hmm. <affirmative> started doing on your feet, and you said you were mostly pursuing the commercial dance industry. What was that time period like for you? Like, what did your day to day look like during that time? 

Speaker 2 (16:02):

Oh, that was definitely my hustle time. Um, Oh, wow. Yeah, I was, I was definitely on a steady grind, but in a great, great way. So, you know, I was <laugh> I dropped out of school because I actually tried to go to an art school. Um, but they wouldn't accept me for an audition because I didn't have, like, any credentials that would be considerable for an application. So, you know, I'm trying to figure out how I feel my days, You know, I'm in school and I, I, I'm doing a work study job. I'm working at a restaurant and, and, uh, I just did, I was feeling slow. Like, I felt like I was slowing down even though I was doing so much work. Um, I just didn't, I couldn't feel my body moving. And so, you know, trying to navigate how to create, uh, I just wanted to feel good. 

(17:09)
I wanted to feel happy. I wanted to make decisions on things that I wanted to do. Um, and so dropped out of school and a couple days later, I think, or a week later, I auditioned for an agent. Um, I booked an agent right away, which I know is a Wow. Yeah. Is a really, it was such a gift. Um, and really just like a, a, the beginning of me prioritizing how I was going to function, like as an artist, Um, because I didn't have to worry about looking for auditions. I just had to make sure I was in class. I was ready when they called. Uh, and that, you know, I was just, I was gonna start auditioning, um, which is exactly what I did. So, uh, I was still, I was teaching at a dance studio part-time, um, in Jersey, uh, Cranford, New Jersey. 

(18:07)
So I was, I was commuting a lot. I feel like my days were really mostly like 14, 15 hour days. Like, I would get up super early in the morning. I was also, um, being trained to become a Soul Cycle instructor at one point. So I was in wicked shape. Um, I was ta cuz I had to take Soul Cycle classes every day. So I was just trying to, you know, juggle what my part-time job was gonna be, how I could, could still keep it in the realm of what I do and Right. Also, you know, be able to pay my bills and also still leave space for anything to pop up because that's how auditions go. So I was teaching at night a couple of nights a week. I was working in a steakhouse a few nights a week. I was taking Soul Cycle, I was taking ballet classes on the Upper West side. 

(18:58)
And I did this like, but I felt so good, you know, I'd become vegetarian. I was changing how I was eating, and I was just making space for all of the things that I wanted and, and being really deliberate in what I was putting into my schedule. Um, and I was wow. You know, just taking it all. I was training, I was training for, I didn't know what, but that it was something, it was for something, anything. I just wanted to be ready when the call came. And that's kind of what happened. Like, I was ready when that call came, they were looking for a Latina dancer and boom, boom, boom, boom. It just like, it, it happened. I didn't expect it to happen as, as so fast, but I think that that time period of when I dropped out of school to like, when I, I actually made the gig was super important. Also, kind of some of like my happier moments because I was getting to make all the choices. I was like, I wanna do this, I'm gonna do this. Like, you know, I just felt really free, uh, to you stretch my wings 

Speaker 1 (20:17):

Yeah. 

Speaker 2 (20:18):

And learn. Yeah. It was, I loved it. I really did. I really loved taking classes and, you know, not kind of knowing how the day was gonna unfold, but, you know, just training. 

Speaker 1 (20:30):

Yeah. And that's, that's also a really big piece of the story because if you just tell the audition story, I isolate in isolation, <laugh>, but on your feet it, it, it's like, oh, things just fell into place. But I think the reality is like, there's the years of work and mental preparation and physical preparation and hustling and going to audition and training and making choices and stepping into your power and making those choices. That seems like you didn't walk into that audition room. Uh, I mean, you walked in ready for the opportunity even if you didn't feel ready for the opportunity. Um, I think that can be really helpful for people to hear as well. Um, just kind of, 

Speaker 2 (21:14):

That's funny. I haven't thought about that time period in so long, but yeah, now that I say so, like I, and it was, it's that thing that we touched on before, when you don't have the thing and you can just kind of keep dreaming and creating or, you know, working towards it, but you don't, you're not, you're not at risk to lose anything. You have nothing to lose. Um, that was de that was a really, uh, fundamental time period for me. 

Speaker 1 (21:43):

Yeah. Um, it sounds like it. Um, so now, well I guess like fast forward a little bit to right now to, to recent times in 2020. Like, I almost wanna leave us back there in 20. Um, but in 2020, of course, um, the pandemic effectively shut down the performing arts industry. Um, is there anything you'd like to share or talk about, about how you've been navigating that landscape, um, over the last year or two? Um, and especially as a woman of color in the performing arts, if you'd like to get into that. Um, but it's definitely been a drastic change in the last year and a half. 

Speaker 2 (22:33):

Yeah. It's been so drastic, right? So dramatic, very theatrical <laugh> and just like a bad Hollywood movie. Um, <laugh>. Uh, so for myself personally, it's, I've been going through a lot of different things in the past few years and on a fast track. So I actually welcomed the shutdown, uh, with like open arms. Like, I was like, Oh, we gonna, we gonna stop right now. Let's go. Like, I was in such a way that way. And at the same time, cuz you know, I was gearing up for the next season, going to hella auditions, you know what I mean? Like, I, and you know, going through a breakup, but like, you still on fire and like, you know, back in New York, I'm gonna do my thing. It's gonna be all good. But like, then they said not. And I was like, Whoa, I, like, I could, I could hang here. 

(23:37)
So that part was really welcoming when I think about the industry and the things that I had to, I mean, that were no longer prevalent in, in every day. Um, I wasn't thinking about that. I really wasn't. Like I was, and I wasn't, you know mm-hmm. <affirmative>, I wasn't in a show at that time. I'd been out of a show for a little while mm-hmm. <affirmative>. So it, it wasn't so sprung in that way. I was already out of work. Um, but there were so many major other historical things that were happening in the grand scheme. Like, I just really couldn't be concerned with, Oh, it's only gonna be two weeks for Broadway. Like, I was like, y could take a seat <laugh> kind of thing. At least in my mind, Right. That was, that was really real for me. Like, I was like, I wasn't concerned, uh, not because I don't love it, and it's, it is an industry that employs millions and brings in billions of revenue to New York City. 

(24:53)
Like, let's be real <laugh>. And I think everybody's really seeing what a difference it makes without it. Um, but for myself personally, I just was trying to understand the, the storm of all the things that were culminating in the world and the way that we were all being so affected and the people that were, you know, falling prey to this crazy disease. Um, while also like being in sacred space of home, like trying to maintain peace and Mm. And, you know, and also worrying about, I have finances. This has been the, the hardest, hardest, hardest, hardest, hardest thing ever. I've never, like, I I've not made money. This is, I worked two weeks in 2020, that's it. Like two weeks out of all of it. Um, so you, and then there were the summer of the uprisings and riots and, or not riots, but you know, the protesting, um, that weighed really heavily on me, Uh, as a woman of color. I just, you know, when you being home and you start taking inventory of things in your house and things of how you keep yourself and, you know, I just, I felt like I was seeing so many parts of my life and things that I've experienced, uh, come out in various different ways because of this pandemic. Uh, which I'm sure a lot of people, you know, were able to see where the ties are loose and needs to get right. I don't know if I'm making sense, but 

Speaker 1 (26:50):

I I think you're making sense. 

Speaker 2 (26:51):

Yeah. There was just other things that were, that were so much more immediate. Um, and I think that's all I got to say about 

Speaker 1 (27:01):

Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, you said so much that's resonant. One in the fact that, um, the pandemic forced many of us into a period, um, of taking a breath. Um, I mean, for, for those who were able to or, or of, um, you know, being forced to kind of pause what many of us were doing, much of which includes overwork, um, and a very crowded mental and emotional landscape. Um, so I definitely hear that. I definitely felt that, um, the resurgence in the Black Lives Matter movement in the summer of 2020, uh, following the murder of George Floyd, of course, Wade really heavily. And as a society, we were shining a light on systemic racism in a way that many people were already shining a light on it, but kind of at a much broader, uh, to a much broader population in, in a much bigger way. Um, 

Speaker 2 (27:59):

I went to DC that was the only trip that I took in 2020 was I went you DC to, I still get voicemails from revenue Shot <laugh>. It's, but like, I felt like I had to be there, You know? It was just, it, all of the systems that we keep talking about. And it does feel overwhelming when we say like every system, but like mental health, uh, uh, education of, uh, uh, oh my gosh, I'm sorry. I'm thinking of, uh, the medical institutions too. Like, there's just so many things that I feel like when I, when I follow a trail back through my family, I'm like, God, none of this shit works. Mm-hmm. 

Speaker 1 (28:44):

<affirmative>. Yeah. Yeah. And so looking at the, you know, with the pandemic and with, um, Black Lives Matter and looking at systemic racism, we were looking at these big systemic traumas, and then that shines the light on how they play out in our individual lives. Yeah. Um, in very different ways, obviously. Yeah. Um, I think a lot of people really felt that and carried that as a really heavy load, uh, in 2020. I'm, you know, still <laugh>, still now <laugh>. 

Speaker 2 (29:16):

Yeah, 

Speaker 1 (29:16):

Yeah. Um, for sure. 

Speaker 2 (29:19):

Yeah. Yeah. You're totally right. Mm. 

Speaker 1 (29:25):

I also, uh, I know that you took a little bit of a social media hiatus, um, because Andrew told me <laugh> <laugh>, and I know that, I know that, um, you know, that can, social media can really heavy. Um, it can be a wonderful tool, um, for organizing and connecting with people and political organizing and sharing our art if that were, you know, as the case may be. Um, but, but it can also be a really heavy space as well in its own way. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, um, can you tell me, would you be open to telling me a little bit about why you did that and how it's been coming kind of back into the social media universe? 

Speaker 2 (30:07):

Well, you know, the pandemic started and it's like, Oh, we're not gonna be able to see each other. And so I felt, you know, everybody's on social media connecting even more so than before. Right. What is everyone up to? And I definitely was like, on that train, you know, just still sharing things and, uh, being, you know, myself, like whatever, uh, the way I was. Um, but it, then it just started to feel like too much noise. You know? I was watching the news every day. We were all keyed in on the news, you know? Right. And trying to follow along with day to day what a local was doing in the fricking White House over there. Right. So, you know, it, I was just starting to get too much. It was just, I was just getting so much feedback and it was just feeling like so much noise. 

(31:01)
And I was like, You know what? This is my time to be in my, my own space for a long period. I just wanted to take my space. So I did, I got off social media, um, which is not something that I haven't done before. I, I do it often actually. Um, you know, I just, I utilize it when it's fun and it's, you know, necessary depending on work and stuff, but I don't have a problem stepping away from it either. I didn't know that this break was gonna last so long, but the pandemic kept going and we kept being in it. And I was like, Oh, I don't gotta, I just don't, you know, I would check in and I would be like, Ah, it just looks like so much noise and what are, everyone's so upset and everyone is so, you know, And, and I was also feeling incredibly upset too. 

(31:48)
You know, like for me, when I'm, when things went down in Georgia with a Ma Aubrey, that really like, set off something in my heart and I was like so angry and feeling, you know, I was just starting to feel the pressure of what we were all beginning to experience, uh, in a different way because we were all home. Um, so I didn't want to explode on social media. Like, I didn't wanna be a part of that noise. I, because I was so angry and I didn't like feeling that kind of vibration, you know, I, uh, and sometimes that vibration is good because it lets us know that things are off. Um, but I didn't want to spread it when I didn't understand what it was that I was feeling. So I took, I chose to go, you know, inward and read more, get off social media, read 

(32:50)
More books, or pay attention to, I just wanted to connect with my community in ways that felt, um, like in my hands and more accessible than shouting it out on, on the tool. Um, because I didn't know what to make up at all, you know? So I just, I felt like, I don't want, I can't even speak on it. I just, I know I feel things, but I don't know how to speak on it, so I'm not gonna speak right now. Um, not to say that I didn't, you know, I went out and I protested and I, you know, joined other little grassroots organizations and, and you know, became a part of other things as opposed to, cuz I, sometimes I feel like the, the tool of social media, although it amplifies voices in a great way, that little dopamine fix, I think is where people stop. And that inspiration, that little fix that little hit doesn't go any further than that. And I didn't want to be a part of that. I wanted to get engaged in a different way. 

Speaker 1 (34:01):

Yeah, absolutely. Um, you really, you know, can't, can't organize without talking to people and without being connected with your community. Um, so that's really beautiful. Um, that those were some of the things that, um, you know, you decided to spend some time on as you were turning internal. 

Speaker 2 (34:25):

Yeah. It's also, cuz also I was, you know, I was noticing that obviously when you're on your social media, it's people who are in your immediate circles or, you know, high selection, 

Speaker 1 (34:37):

Right? 

Speaker 2 (34:38):

Yeah. You know, so how can you get past that other than, you know, what I like, I don't, I don't feel like I need to scroll to do that 

Speaker 1 (34:47):

Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. 

Speaker 2 (34:48):

So yeah, it, it, it, so it's been a while. Um, and then I, I tapped back in, so I was kind of going through some hearts. Uh, some, my grandmother was very sick and, uh, she passed recently. Um, so I was feeling like I needed a little bit more connection. And so it was nice, you know, just to look at other people's things and see how people are striving and, and you know, making it through. And everyone looks colorful and beautiful. So, you know, I see both sides of the tool and I'm like, I'm not here to stress myself out about it. Like, I'll use it when I wanna use it. And, you know, my work always speaks for itself. So I don't feel stressed in that way that artists do in the business. Most artists do in the business of, well, if I don't keep my media and it does play a part, Yeah. But you know what? I'm gonna just do the work. Like I'm Gucci <laugh>. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, I don't need to be all like, presenting every little thing. It just feels weird to me. 

Speaker 1 (35:51):

Yeah. 

Speaker 2 (35:51):

Some of the things after you stay off of it and then you go back, I'm, you know, I'm like, What is this? What's going on here? What are people doing? Like, what's the, it's not some odd behavior <laugh>. 

Speaker 1 (36:01):

Yeah. 

Speaker 2 (36:02):

Why? 

Speaker 1 (36:03):

Oh, for sure. Definitely. Um, so talking about, I guess now, like the, the right now kind of here we are heading into fall, September 1st, the day we're recording. At least this'll be out a little later than that, but heading into the fall of 2021, um, I wouldn't say the pandemic's behind us <laugh> unfortunately, but we are definitely heading into, we've been in a period where some things are starting back up again, um, in terms of performing arts and artistic projects, um, and just general kind of social activities. Um, can you share, uh, what is compelling to you about being an artist right now? Um, and then also if you'd be comfortable to share what you would say, maybe what is a rose and a thorn for you of being, being an artist. So something that, that is great and beautiful, um, something that you love and something that is more challenging. 

Speaker 2 (37:14):

Um, wait, what was the first part of the first quiz? 

Speaker 1 (37:17):

Sorry, I, I packed to it in together. I said, What's compelling for you or exciting for you, um, yeah. Right now about being an artist, and then you could, I guess just kind of mush that in with what is a rose and a thorn? Um, so what's something you love and something that you don't love? 

Speaker 2 (37:35):

Um, right now, being an artist feels, uh, like it's renewing itself again, at least for myself. Um, you know, we've gone through this pandemic when, and you're right, it's not behind us at all. Uh, we're still going through, but I've been very intentional about how I wanna spend my time and, and the things that I'm interested in, the things that I need to heal from. And so it's been very explorative, uh, not to sound cliche or whatever, but like, that's just kind of how I functioned. And so coming into a little bit more clarity of who I am as an artist and the value that I bring, uh, to any creative space or room, uh, just allows me to throw my weight differently, um, when I head back out, right? Like, I don't need to go out there on the same frequency of like, gimme, gimme, gimme. 

(38:47)
I hope I get it, Gimme, gimme, gimme. Uh, it, it's all good. Like, I've, I've learned about how much I freaking love acting, like so much. Um, I, I can sit and read and be content. I, you know, there's just a different way of functioning in this life that I want to take with me out there. So I feel really excited about being an artist right now, and, you know, kind of still nurturing this little thing, this little seedling that's come out of this pandemic. But, um, excited for it to sprout. Um, I've got some, I've thankfully I've got a little project coming up, um, and I'm gonna be on the other side of the table. I'll be associate choreographing, which is, you know, exciting and scary. Um, but I feel more like, um, like I'm ready to eat a little bit more, you know, I'm ready for a little pressure. Um, so I'm going in like gloves ready, like, let's go. Um, I don't feel as fearful as before. Uh, so that feels great. And then, um, I'm sorry, all of my answers are so long <laugh>. 

Speaker 1 (40:11):

No, they're great. They're great. Uh, you're 

Speaker 2 (40:14):

Good. Wait, what was the other quote? What was the last part of the question? Oh my god. 

Speaker 1 (40:19):

Rose roses and thorns. 

Speaker 2 (40:20):

Rose of thorn, Rose and thorns. Yes. I mean, sometimes I get irritated, uh, because I feel like I'm constantly being asked to do something outside of myself, you know, as, as like, be this other person. Try this thing, do it another way. And, and so you're constantly being molded on. And sometimes that really bugs me. Like, I just wanna function like me. I wanna be me. I don't wanna be disturbed. Like I get a little, uh, selfish and, and hidey tidy about that. But like, you know, that's what self love is <laugh>. So I'm like, I don't wanna do this thing right now. And I, that's a thorn sometimes. Maybe that's not necessarily like a, maybe that's just a complaint versus a, a real, real form. Um, I'm try, why am I struggling right now? <laugh> 

Speaker 1 (41:33):

That could, that, I feel like that can definitely be a thorn. Um, and I feel like you sh you just kind of a moment ago shared what is arose for you, um, which is feeling renewed as an artist stepping into new projects. 

Speaker 2 (41:50):

Yeah, so <laugh>, I mean, it's, I it's not, I guess the thorn is like, it really is a lot of moving parts and, and it's always something to be worked through. It always is developing and evolving and sometimes, you know, that can be, that can be exhausting. Uh, so we have to be very deliberate as artists of, you know, about our boundaries and, and how it is that we're spending our time and, you know, not just throwing out everything and just trying, you know, I don't know. I think there's, I think there's a, an organized way to do creative play so that we don't burn out and that we still feel nurtured and loved and valued. Um, but that takes, that takes a lot of, a lot of work. It's a lot of self discipline. Um, 

Speaker 1 (42:49):

That is definitely a hard lesson learned, um, in, in my experience. And I've, I've heard it from other people as well, like that idea that you can say no and you can protect your energy, um, in different scenarios. Um, and that there should exist a version of the universe in which, uh, you know, people are treated well, <laugh>, um, which artists are, are treated well. Um, I definitely hear that. W and is, this brings me what some of the things that I hear you saying brings me to, um, the question. Um, if someone turned to you today and said that they would like to get to where you are or do what you're doing, what are a few things that you would tell them? Um, a few pieces of advice you would, you would give to somebody hoping to move into the arts? 

Speaker 2 (43:48):

I would say absolutely do it. Like if that is someone's dream, I am all for following dreams. A thousand percent. I would say plan and be very intentional about how you spend your days, how you are carving into your craft or your artistry. Um, and not in a way of like, you have to think about it 34 8. Um, but you know, le I think you really have, if you wanna cultivate that, you have to start implementing in every little bit of what you do. I think dance has definitely taught me that like how you do one thing is how you do everything and it, everything is all connected in the body and I think it's the same way out in life. So it's like you've gotta align yourself out with how you spend your time, how you're spending your energy. Are you around people that do what you do? 

(44:49)
Are you finding resources that can help you along the way? Having a great team around you. Um, which, you know, it works for any, uh, any career path. You know, they're kind of universal principles, but I think you have to go out and search for them and, you know, start creating that image that you, not the image, but creating that life that you want. You have to begin to change the way you function and then watch how it all kind of unfolds around you. And then, then take it like, cuz it's your everybody, everybody has the opportunity to do exactly what it is that they wanna do. But I think we have to, we have to change our perceptions first so that we can accept it when it comes, I think. 

Speaker 1 (45:47):

Thank you. Yeah. That's, that's so helpful. It's so powerful. Um, is there a, a dream job for you right now that you would like to like speak out into the universe? <laugh>? 

Speaker 2 (45:59):

Oh my god, this is so dumb, but you know what, I'm gonna speak on it. Okay, so Brian DePalma is one of my favorite filmmakers. Um, and I just recently outta nowhere was like, I'm gonna watch Brian. And so I watched Carlito's Way and then right afterwards I watched Scarface and then I was just looking up Brian Dalma informa, like, you know, just reading interviews and stuff like that, like how he's shooting the shot, whatever. And he's shooting a new movie about Harvey Weinstein, that crazy bastard and yes, and the Me Too movement. And I'm like, somebody get me in a Brian Dalma film. Like I don't care if I'm just a bartend tener at the club, but I was like, I wanna be in a Brian's palm movie cuz I think he's it. He's just, he's an incredible, incredible director and I love his movies. 

Speaker 1 (46:55):

Brian, if you're listening <laugh> 

Speaker 2 (46:58):

Brides about, I literally was like, just, you know, daydreaming and whatever he lives on, on Shelter Island, it's a shelter or Sher, I don't know. I was like, you know what, I'm gonna go work over there for this summer and I'm gonna get a job so I can meet him in a restaurant and tell him, put me in your movie. <laugh>. 

Speaker 1 (47:14):

Right? That's beautiful. Um, is there anything I didn't ask you about that you wanted to talk about A little bit? 

Speaker 2 (47:23):

Girl, I don't know. You know what, you turned on the podcast and I got nervous. Hell <laugh>. I was like, Oh, I'm not gonna get hurt. We're just gonna talk. And I was like, she's talking and she's listening to me. <laugh>, I dunno what just went down Unno. What more to say? I hope it wasn't too vague or, or I don't know. I don't know. I, it was all an experiment, 

Speaker 1 (47:50):

<laugh> it was great. And I get nervous too. Every single time I record one, I'm like, Oh hi. You know, you get a little nervous. Um, but, um, no, thank you. You shared, you shared a ton of, um, really resonant stuff. Um, and I appreciate you opening yourself up to share a little bit. Um, where can people find you if they wanna contact you or if they wanna follow you? 

Speaker 2 (48:17):

Um, so I've got Instagram, Angelica Bellard. I think it's an underscore at the end. See, I'm so bad at this though. Um, I made a website a long time ago and it's cute, but I wanna change it. So I would say go to my website, but it's not active right now, so I gotta fix that. Um, I got Instagram, I mean, yeah. 

Speaker 1 (48:39):

Nice. Okay. And that'll be, it'll be in the episode description as well. I'll put the link. My, my, I have a website too that's like totally out of date. So <laugh>, I 

Speaker 2 (48:51):

Mean, it's pretty cute, but I like, I had her vision of it differently and then I was like, Oh no, this ain't it. So I'll put it away. 

Speaker 1 (48:58):

<laugh>. Um, okay. So thank you again for being here. Really appreciate you. 

Speaker 2 (49:04):

Thank you for having me. Thank you for thinking of me. This is, this is really fun. 

Speaker 1 (49:09):

Of course. It's been great. Um, and for everybody listening, we'll see you next week. That's it for this week's episode of the Millennial PhD. You can find more content, resources and information on Instagram at the millennial PhD and@themillennialphd.com in this collective moment of reevaluating our relationships with work and exploitation. I look forward to connecting with you and building stronger bonds of community and collaboration. I would love to hear from you via email at the millennial PhD gmail.com with any feedback, comments, questions, or concerns, or if you're interested in coming on the show as a guest. That's all for now. It's been real. See you next time.